She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
