thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
