I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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