just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
