Apparently you make a good broom.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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