Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
