ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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