We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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