he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
tequila makes me forget i have legs
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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