cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize