I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
