If i come over, it means nothing
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
