my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
