her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
