i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
