my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
