I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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