There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
