ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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