im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
