ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
