So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
