Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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