My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize