I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
