I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
