I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
