It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
