I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
