Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
