whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
