your parents love me but you hate me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
