My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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