Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
