Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
