I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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