There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My balls are so social today.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
