the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
