Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
