i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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