im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
