I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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