I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
