i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
