Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
smell my finger.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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