I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
