shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
