4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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