he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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