I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
