there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
