if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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