Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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