A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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