The maid of honor just puked.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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