this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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