We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
