THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
