You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
