i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
