also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Panties = found
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