My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I bet he comes in French.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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