I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
