Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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