He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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