looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
