member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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