Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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