I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I would fuck him just for his dog
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
