just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish you could order shots online.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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