For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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