Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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