why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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