He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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