I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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