She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
