Your face is a jimmy john
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
