I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
