you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
