I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
