Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
