The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
