Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
