absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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