Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
