real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
