Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
