these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
