Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
