i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
