Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
