You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
