do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my sisters under your porch take her home
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Life is so much better after having sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
