it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
