Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
