I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
