the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
