I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
