there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
