): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
