my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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