shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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