I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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