He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
