i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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