But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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