Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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