I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
